I read Kelly Sopel’s blog this morning titled “Ladies, sometimes WE are wrong.” It basically talks about how sometimes women need to keep in mind their man’s perspective on life. We (men) are simple creatures. Be honest with us because we’re honest with you. To start with, I’ll post the comment I put up over on her blog:
Kudos to you Kelly. That’s the type of attitude men find attractive: Perspective, introspection, intelligence and a grasp of reality.
Absolutely, you do NOT need permission to spend money. If you’re irresponsible about it (like, I don’t know, hiding purchases from your spouse just for giggles), then you get cut off and you then ask permission. And people wonder why finances are one of (if not THE) biggest cause for divorce/arguments/etc.
And you’re right, as a guy, we are very simple. Yes, if you have a good guy, he’ll pretend to care about the newest shoes that are out and he’ll be okay with you buying them (if it’s in the budget). We take things at face value and we don’t play games with you. If we say something, we mean what we say, there’s no hidden message in between the lines.
Having your type of perspective and attitude will (and I’m sure has) served your marriage well. Stay strong with the long distance. :)
Now, I want to address the first segment of my comment. What guys find attractive. I should clarify that that’s what good guys find attractive. Obviously the douche you meet at the bar that’s only interested in a one night stand isn’t interested in coherent conversation. However, I think as long as a guy can get over the possible intimidation that an intelligent woman can put on you, they will appreciate and cherish your intelligence and clear mindedness.
Next, finances in a relationship, namely in a marriage. The first you need to get it through your think head (I’m talking to men and women here) that it isn’t YOUR money anymore. It’s OUR money. The FAMILY’S money. It doesn’t matter how many dollars come from your paycheck or your spouse’s. It all ends up serving the family (save of course for your ‘allowance’ or ‘fun money’ or whatever you want to call it — this part is a necessity as well), so get over the fact that you make more/less than your spouse/significant other. If there’s a bill to pay, pay it, regardless of where the money comes from. You’re a unit now, and need to function as such, and Kelly Sopel has it right. The ladies she overheard hiding purchases from their spouse? STUPID. That’s an easy way to divide the household with regards to both finances and trust. Which brings me to my final point…
Communication. If you don’t talk to each other, how can you manage your finances, home and relationship? If you’re having a problem with something, tell your significant other. Be honest with each other and life will be SO much easier. How can problems be fixed if you don’t bring them up? No matter how perfect you think your relationship is, there’s always some room for improvement. None of us are telepathic and need to be told if we don’t realize we’re doing something wrong.
This wasn’t really the direction I thought this would go, but it is what it is, and take my advise/thoughts as you wish. But seeing the kind of perspective and grasp on reality that Kelly Sopel has, and having heard about the kind of person Brent Sopel is, I’m sure their family is strong and that their kids will turn out to be the same type of great people their parents are. Stay strong Sopels, Chicago loves you.